My BPD Toolbox: The Things That Help Me Stay Soft in a World That Feels So Sharp

Jul 15

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder means living in extremes. I feel everything all at once, or I feel nothing at all. I’m either completely in love or completely alone. I trust too fast, or I question everyone. I’m hyper-independent and painfully needy in the same breath. And yet—I’m still here. I’m still choosing to try.

That’s why I built a toolbox.

Not a literal one (although if you handed me a hammer, I might cry from the weight of the metaphor). This toolbox is emotional. Practical. Sacred. It's a collection of strategies, objects, reminders, and rituals I reach for when the world inside me gets too loud.

I didn’t find these things all at once. I collected them slowly, painfully, and sometimes reluctantly. Through therapy. Through heartbreak. Through midnight panic attacks. Through mornings where I almost didn’t get out of bed. Through love. Through loss. Through trial and so many errors.

And now I want to share what’s in mine—not because I have it all figured out, but because I don’t. And maybe you’re building your own.

My BPD Toolbox Includes:

1. The "Pause" Button (AKA DBT Skills)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) changed my life. It gave me the space between feeling and reacting. In moments where I want to lash out, disappear, or spiral, I try to pause and ask:

What am I actually feeling?
Will this action help or hurt?
Can I ride the wave of this emotion without drowning?

My go-to DBT skills:

TIPP (cold water, wall sits, paced breathing)
Opposite Action
Self-soothe using my senses
DEAR MAN when I need to set boundaries or ask for something hard

2. Grounding Tools

Sometimes I dissociate—check out, float away, disappear into numbness or panic. My grounding tools bring me back:

A stone I keep in my pocket
Lavender oil or peppermint gum
Noticing five things I see, four I feel, three I hear…
Putting my hands under cold water
Talking out loud: “I am safe. I am here. I am real.”

3. People Who Know My Shadows

I have a small circle of people who know the raw version of me—and love her anyway. I’ve learned to send a “safe word” when I’m spiraling. I’ve learned it’s okay to say, “Can you just sit with me?” I’ve also learned that not everyone deserves access to me—and that’s part of healing too.

4. My Journal

My journal doesn’t judge me when I write things like:

“I feel like I’m too much. Again.”
“I hate how bad I want to be loved.”
“Today I’m proud I didn’t text them.”

It’s a safe container for the chaos. A mirror. A map. A place to leave the feelings that are too heavy to carry.

5. Tiny Rituals

Morning coffee with oat milk and a quote from my affirmation deck
Lighting incense when I clean
Putting on music when I feel like isolating
Changing into my “healing clothes” (you know the ones)
Watching a comfort show without multitasking

Tiny rituals make me feel like I’m still in my body. Like I’m still in control—even if it’s just which candle I light.

6. The “Reminder” Folder in My Notes App

Inside: screenshots of kind messages, things my therapist has said, compliments I actually believed for a second, quotes that make me breathe softer. When my inner critic is loud, this folder helps me argue back.

Some favorites:

“Feelings are real. They are not always facts.”
“You are not too much—you were just in the wrong rooms.”
“You’ve survived every bad day so far.”

7. Boundaries

Still learning this one. But now I know:

I don’t have to answer every text right away.
I can change my mind.
I can say no without explaining.
Silence isn’t rejection—it’s sometimes peace.

Boundaries are the structure that helps my softness exist without breaking.

Final Thoughts

My BPD toolbox doesn’t fix me—because I’m not broken. It doesn’t erase the storm—but it helps me sail through it with less damage. Sometimes I still sink. Sometimes I forget the tools exist. But I always come back to them. I always come back to me.

If you're living with BPD, or navigating deep emotional intensity, I hope this gave you ideas for your own toolkit. And if you’re someone who loves someone with BPD—thank you for trying to understand. That matters more than you know.

This is a lifelong practice. And I’m still learning. But I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

And maybe tomorrow, I’ll add something new to the box.

What’s in your toolbox?
Comment below or message me—I'd love to trade ideas and build soft spaces together.

#BPDToolbox #MentalHealthBlog #HealingOutLoud #DBTSkills #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Devon Catts