Saturday Morning Stillness (& What I Wish You Knew About BPD)
It’s a quiet Saturday morning. The kind where the sunlight hits just right, and nothing feels urgent. Penny is curled up next to me on the couch, snoring softly like a little furnace of calm. Eric’s out on a run, and for once, my mind is too. Still. Soft. Not racing, not spiraling—just... here.
I used to think peace like this wasn’t meant for people like me.
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like being stuck in a house with paper-thin walls during a storm—everything gets in. Every noise, every feeling, every shift in someone’s tone or expression. You absorb it all, and it echoes louder than it should. It’s exhausting. And lonely. Even when you’re surrounded by people, especially when you love them too much and fear you’ll lose them even more.
But mornings like this make me pause. Because they weren’t always possible. It used to be chaos inside my body. I didn’t trust my feelings, didn’t believe I was lovable, didn’t know how to just be without chasing or fixing or proving.
I wish more people understood that BPD isn’t just mood swings or being “too emotional.” It’s heartbreak on a loop. It’s trying to hold onto yourself when your sense of self feels like it’s built out of sand. It’s being hyperaware of everything and yet still unsure of what’s real.
But I also wish people knew this:
We can find stillness.
We do heal.
We love harder than most and feel deeper than words can hold. And when we learn to stop abandoning ourselves, when we learn to stay—we become the kind of people who really live.
This morning, I’m just sitting here. Not trying to fix anything. Not trying to be anything. Just sipping my coffee with Penny’s warm body beside me, knowing Eric will come through the door soon, sweaty and smiling. And I’m not afraid.
That’s the quiet miracle.
Not dramatic. Not loud. Just... life.
And I’m finally living it.
If you’re struggling today—especially if you’ve ever felt “too much”—I promise there are mornings like this waiting for you.
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.
And peace?
It’s not a place you find.
It’s something you create—little by little, breath by breath.
With love from my little corner of calm,
Devon 🤍
