Turning 31: Breaking Down, Starting Over, and Feeling Held

Yesterday I turned 31. And if I’m being honest, I came into this birthday feeling overwhelmed, lost, and completely burnt out. For some reason, my birthday has always been the annual moment my emotions decide to crack open, but this year hit differently. After weeks of trying to push through unrealistic expectations of a new job, I hit a wall. On my literal birthday, I chose to walk away for the sake of my mental health.

It was terrifying. It was humbling. It was the right decision.

I cried in the bath. Called my Mom. I took a nap. I felt the weight of uncertainty pressing down on me. Officially unemployed on my 31st birthday. What a headline, right?

Leading up to my birthday, everyone knew I was struggling the most. Despite that, my people showed up for me. My best friends came over to my apartment to celebrate early, even before I had made the decision to quit. I was surrounded by my favorite humans, laughing, talking, and existing in a space where I didn’t need to pretend everything was fine. And for those who couldn’t be there physically, they made sure to call, text, and send love in ways that felt so intentional.

I didn’t realize how much I needed that warmth unit I was in the middle of it.

On my birthday, after my emotional crash and recharge, Eric got me out of the house. We grabbed pre-dinner espresso martinis, enjoyed a delicious Italian dinner, and ended the night with drinks at tinsel, the Christmas themed bar that somehow felt likexactly what my spirit needed. It ended up being a genuinely great birthday, even after a chaotic week and start to the day.

And today? Today I start over.

I updated my resume. Refreshed my Indeed profile. Applied to more than twenty jobs. I don’t know where I'm headed yet, but I'm moving. I’m trying. I’m trusting.

I’m still here. I’m still writing. And The Borderline Between Us is about to have all my attention.

Turning 31 feels messy, raw, and uncertain, but also full of love. Full of support. Full of the reminder that even the life unravels a bit, the right people help stitch you back together.

I’m grateful. I’m hopeful. I’m choosing to believe that the right opportunity will find me and that I'll be stronger, more aligned, and more myself because of this detour.

Here’s to starting again. Here’s to 31.

-D