How We Celebrate the Holidays as DINKs (Even Though We're Just Getting Started)

How We Celebrate the Holidays as DINKs (Even Though We're Just Getting Started)

When I say we’re new, I mean new new. We quite literally had our first real conversation on Easter Sunday — so no, we haven’t had to navigate the chaos of shared holiday calendars or emotional negotiations (yet). But that doesn’t mean we haven’t talked about it.

Because the holidays — especially when you're in a relationship — come with baggage. Not just the kind with wheels or bows on top. Emotional baggage, expectations, family dynamics, trauma... you name it.

He comes from a past relationship where holidays were the opposite of joyful. His ex was, in his words, “a control freak,” and it led to him missing out on quality time with his own family. That kind of repeated hurt? It leaves marks. There’s a lot of unspoken grief wrapped in that, especially when you’re someone who wants to show up for the people you love but are made to feel guilty for it.

And me? I dated someone who was terrified of his mom. Like, “we’re not allowed to say no to her” terrified. So every holiday became about tiptoeing, appeasing, and squeezing my own joy into the cracks left over from their family’s plans. It was exhausting. And disheartening.

The good news is — we’re in this new chapter. And we’re writing it together.

The holidays this year? We’re vibing. We’ve shared what our families typically do, where the traditions lie, what matters, and what doesn’t. And since we’re moving in together before Thanksgiving, we’re giving ourselves permission to do it all our own way.

Our plan is simple:

• If he wants to be with his family, he will.

• If I want to be with mine, I will.

• If we want to join each other, we’ll do that too.

• We won’t stress.

• We won’t overbook.

• We won't bend ourselves in half trying to be everything to everyone.

We’re not negotiating custody of children or picking which grandparent “gets” the baby on Christmas Eve. We don’t have to coordinate nap schedules or pack diaper bags or explain to anyone why we chose to skip the 4-hour drive to make six stops in one day.

We’re just… choosing peace.

I’m lucky that I see my family often — so the only person I really prioritize during the holidays is my grandfather. And honestly? Even that is flexible. Last year, we celebrated Christmas with him after the 25th. My 13 cousins and I pulled off this ridiculous trend where we “re-gifted” him things we stole from around his own house. I’m talking candles from his bathroom, slippers from his closet, knick-knacks from the windowsill. He loved it. We were all cracking up, and he was beaming — his grandkids gathered in front of him, tearing open gifts he technically already owned. It was perfect. It was chaos. And it didn’t matter that it wasn’t on the actual holiday.

That’s the kind of energy we’re bringing into our DINK holiday life. Spontaneity. Joy. Freedom. Rest.

And speaking of holidays — I’m writing this right now on the 4th of July.

Another holiday that we don’t have to stress over. Our plans? They’re fun ones, with zero pressure and no mini-agendas hiding inside them. Yesterday (the 3rd) was about watching the local parade through my nephew’s eyes, grabbing pizza with my parents, and cracking open a few beers. That’s it. No spreadsheet of activities. No meltdowns. Just ease.

Today, we’re heading to my parents’ for a backyard BBQ. Penny girl gets to run wild and free in the yard, we can drink as much or as little as we want, and we can leave when we feel like it — because we have no responsibilities waiting for us. No bedtime routines to manage. No overtired kids. No overstimulated breakdowns in the car ride home. Just vibes.

And tomorrow? We’re going to a 5th of July BBQ with my friends, where I’ll get to see my sweet little niece and nephews. I genuinely love that my friends and family have little ones of their own — I adore being an aunt. It fills my heart in a different way. But what fills it even more is the peace I feel knowing I don’t have to do the parenting part.

I get to leave when I want. Go to the club if I’m feeling wild. Take a nap if I’m not. The choice is mine — not a child’s, not a schedule’s. Mine.

To all the parents out there balancing magic-making, meal prepping, travel planning, and keeping traditions alive for little ones — I see you. I respect the work and the love and the sweat you put in.

But I also want to say: it's okay to choose a different life. One where the holidays don’t feel heavy. One where two people, a dog, and a shared vision of peace are enough.

Because for us, this year and all the years to come — the only tradition we’re really committed to is each other.

And maybe re-gifting our future selves something from our own shelves, just for laughs.