My BPD and the Weather of My Hobbies
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder sometimes feels like living in the middle of the Northeast weather forecast. One day it’s sunny and hot, the next day it’s gloomy and cold, and before I can even get used to one temperature, the skies change again. That’s pretty much how my hobbies go.
One week, I’m convinced I’m a runner. I buy the sneakers, I track the miles, I’m out there sweating and feeling like this is going to be my thing. Then, suddenly, the weather shifts. I find myself hunched over a puzzle, lost for hours fitting pieces together, running shoes collecting dust in the corner.
I’ve cycled through more hobbies than I can even count. I’ve had a weight loss blog (and honestly, here I am writing this one too, lol). I’ve messed with dry clay. I’ve painted. I’ve gone full Cricut-craft mode, printing decals like I was about to open an Etsy shop. I’ve made blankets. And, in one of my proudest phases, I wrote a whole ass book.
Oh, and then there was my sourdough phase. Not just a little bread baking here and there—I went all in. Starter jars taking over my kitchen, loaves proofing on the counter, me watching YouTube videos like I was training for the Great British Bake Off. I even tried to make a business out of it, offering loaves to friends and family like I was about to launch the next artisanal bread empire. That phase lasted months and honestly, it was delicious while it lasted.
The thing about BPD is that everything feels so big in the moment. The new hobby isn’t just a hobby—it’s an identity. I’ll dive in headfirst, convinced this is the thing that will stick, the thing that makes me “me.” And for a little while, it really does feel that way. But just like the weather in the Northeast, it doesn’t stay.
Sometimes I feel guilty about it, like I’m flaky or inconsistent. But the truth is, each hobby leaves a little mark on me. They’re all different ways I’ve tried to ground myself, to express myself, to create, to cope. Whether I’m running, puzzling, painting, bread-baking, or writing, each one reflects a piece of me at that time in my life.
So maybe my hobbies change like the weather—but at least that means my life is never boring. And honestly? Just like the seasons, I think there’s beauty in the change.
